Friday, July 12, 2013

Who am I?

"Who am I really?" I stared into the mirror asking this question of a person I didn't recognize. This happened frequently. Then I would try to shake myself out of it and go back to missionary work. The problem was, that question would always somehow find it's way back into my mind. Each time this happened it got scarier and harder to shake the feelings of emptiness. I felt like a hollow shell with no purpose, path, or place.

I had once known the answer. At least I thought I knew. At college I had many nicknames: Business Barbie, Tour guide Barbie, College Barbie, and the list goes on. I had been what some people might title an "It Girl". At least that's the way I felt. I had all the friends in the world, the best job, a great career track. I had worked hard at the gym to have a strong toned body. I was Chrissy.

Yet less than a year later I found myself staring in a mirror asking "Who are you?"
 
I had gone from this girl. (see below)
 To this girl. (see below again)
 
I didn't feel like or much look like the old girl. And it hurt. I felt very lost. I didn't know what the point of anything was. I felt like a failure every day. I'm sure you have felt like this at some point. Luckily, I had people who intervened and started me on a track to answer that question. It required a lot of soul searching. After months the picture began to form. I started to get a glimmer and then I was slammed one day by the statement of another person when they said they were a child of God. And then I knew.
 
I am a daughter of God.
 
Let me repeat myself.
 
God is my Father. He is my Creator.
 
And because of that I mean something! I have value. I may not have the world at my fingertips anymore. I may not be the coolest girl you've ever known. But guess what, God thinks I'm pretty cool. And guess what? He thinks you're pretty cool too.
 
You are a child of God.
 
Let me repeat myself.
 
God is your Father. He is your Creator.
 
I read a hymn this morning that said this:
 
Children of our Heav'nly Father
Safely in his bosom gather;
Nestling bird nor star in heaven
Such a refuge e'er was given.
 
Neither life nor death shall ever
From the Lord his children sever;
Unto them his grace he showeth,
And their sorrows all he knoweth.
 
Though he giveth or he taketh,
God his children ne'er forsaketh;
His the loving purpose solely
To preserve them pure and holy.
 
 
He knows you! He is the Grand Creator of the universe and loves you and me. I had a hard journey before I came to this understanding. I recognized Him as some great and marvelous Being. But not as a Father that I know personally and that knows me inside and out. I didn't realize that I could go to Him in prayer and lay everything on the table. Everything. God and I had a lot of good conversations with tears, laughter, and love. And He can do the same with you! He understands what you are feeling and He knows how to help you through.
 
 
When I realized who He is in my life and my relationship with Him, I also began to understand who I am. I began to understand who I can become. Who He wants me to be. And with that power I live every day of my life discovering more of me and more of Him and the success we can have as a team together! It is a grand adventure putting my life in the hands of the Almighty. I learn and grow every moment of every day.
 
I don't know that I can truly convey the impact those 6 words have on every day of my life. It can for you too. But it's a journey you have to take. And someday you'll be hit by the simple phrase "I am a child of God."

4 comments:

  1. I love your blog! Every post is so inspiring and you can definitely tell it comes from your heart! Thank you for your inspiring words and the Spirit that you share with those that read your words! You are truly a disciple of Jesus Christ and I am so happy that i have been a part of your journey. :-)

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  2. We are indeed children of a benevolent Father. I see His tender mercies everyday in my life. You helped me recognize this when you were "stationed" in Atlantic Beach. Think of my arms around you right now giving you a fierce hug. I love you!

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  3. Amen, Sister. :) I love this thought.

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  4. Sister Kailee JensenJuly 16, 2013 at 12:59 PM

    Sister McCracken! You are such an inspiration! THANK YOU. I needed this :) Understanding that simple phrase can literally change your life. I'm coming to understand that more and more every day. I sure love you! Thanks again :)

    Oh...and I love the two beautiful people with comments above as well! <3 Sister Jensen

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